My name is Catherine, and I am a recouping enthusiastic dependent speculator. Jan 29th, 2007 will be my 10-year mark in recuperation, but will never disremember where I have come from with gambling dependence.
Betting dependence took virtually all I had from me like family, friends, fame, occupations, my home, car, almost my marriage and cost me way more than money; it nearly causes me to lose my life twice to self-murder. On the other hand, I was also having unidentified mental & emotional health problems and disorders I never knew about until 2002.
I originated from the profundities of hellfire, sadness, and gloom.
My Initially Fizzled Suicide Endeavour
I arouse in an infirmary with bandages enfolded around both wrists and could listen two individuals speaking about knives all over the living room as I passed out once more. All I recall was everything returning to being dark in void. Recently, I have become aware of what caused that empty feeling; It was caused by a collapse of my nervous system. A mental/emotional knockout. After that, I went to see a dependence/emotional crisis centre.
Everyone checked on me to make sure I didn't attempt killing myself. After a short while, psychiatrist began functioning with me. And as a matter of fact, I was as well a determined gambler too. So, I began to work with a dependence counsellor also.
Before that, I tried to cure my gambling addiction on my own because I felt like I could hold myself, but it did not work, I got back to gambling several times, even when I was in the treatment centre. I suppose I had not arrived underneath still.
Regardless of my extended stay in rehab and my several efforts to end it all.
What Was Wrong With Me?
it's known as DEPENDENCE It is an illness and a problem that is hard but possible to get over. And it turned out It was not the last time I should fight this sickness.
Not because the compulsive gambling, I committed suicide again in 2006 for being unable to cope with the pressure of financial issues. It felt like I haven't completely recover my life including my financial condition.
First lesson? A well-adjusted recuperation program. But in 2006 I also only wished to be normal, live life in recovery without having to use drugs for mental/emotional problems. So, I discontinued using them believing it was only the betting that was causing my mental sickness issues of PTSD, manic depression, mild mania verbosity and bipolar sleeplessness cycles and OCD. Just for two weeks with no medications, I was back to desperation and suicidal thoughts. The way I handled it by taking the pills at once dragged me back to the dark side of emptiness again.
Back in the hospital again, another 16-day crisis centre stay and days of self-murder observation.
When they sent me home that time, I had the lessons that I need to be discipline in taking my meds so my mental illness will not bother me again and it stays under control, they called my situation as "dual diagnosis".
Along with the bitter moments in recovery, when they remind me to have faith, I took some life lessons out of it. Too bad if I did not get any lessons, I won't see how much I changed in life. Even when you are not partaking in your preferred dependence, we can still have issues come up and life challenges in recovery, so being ready is very important.
Where Can I Be Heading With This Section Of My Narrative?
First, the characters and traits that we study and lift up within any dependence and "the cycle" of any dependence requires to be disrupted and removed for us to have an opportunity at an actual honest recuperation. Stability is the main factor that supports recovery. During the therapeutic process, endeavour to acquire the necessary knowledge which can cut the addictive tendencies and then end the loss of discipline, negations and alibis.
Second, come to agree that recovery is a process which extends for the entire duration of life. It is as imperative to acknowledge as Step-one, add up to surrender.
Next, is having a setup which halts the regression of the whole remedial process and it is essential for any individual who desires a permanent positive outcome. We all believe that life occurrences take place. Even jovial or optimistic occurrences, not simple negative or pessimistic ones.
I feel it is the reason Gamblers Anonymous put the question forward in our combo book of "The 20 Questions" to know if you have an issue with betting. One of the questions in some of those websites is "Have you gambled at any point in time to commemorate a measure of success you attained?" YES! For me, even when good things occurred, I would want to observe a notable occasion by going purportedly to catch some "fun" by betting. Nonetheless, these questions were clearly not effective since my addiction was looking grave.
I attended gatherings and met a lot of people which assisted me tremendously; the experience of other individuals with cases similar to mine kept me adequately informed of the level of deception inherent in gambling addiction. And GA showed me how vital it is to be there for others via recuperation service as others were there for me when I was a newbie.
We have to begin a discussion about this still hush, hush dependence. Let's break up the "myths" concerning it. It is one way to break the "stigma" surrounding it, and surrounding those who live dual diagnosed also. Truly, managing a psychological trauma while striving to attain a state of physical well-being is exacting; however outlining my travails, makes it clear that attaining a state of physical and mental well-being is feasible and every individual struggling with a rehab can have a life of laughter and happiness even during the rehabilitation period.